Lives that long for family support

Recently in Bangalore there was a very tragic incident. A youth, Ramesh, accidentally hit his car against the car of the former prime minister and local Janata Dal (S) politician, Deve Gowda. The accident happened in the morning, but by evening the young man, Ramesh, had committed suicide.

What actually led him to take his own life will remain a mystery, for he is no longer with us to tell the story. But from reports it looks like Ramesh had come under severe mental and emotional stress.

One, soon after the incident, Ramesh, was subjected to severe tongue-lashing by the politician's security guard. Two, Ramesh was asked by Gowda's supporters to cough up Rs 25,000. He managed to give Rs 10,000. Three, Ramesh's brothers and sisters severely reprimanded him for having invited trouble by having rammed his car, against the car -- of all people -- the former prime minster. "How can we now live in peace," they are said to have asked. (Report in The Times of India.)

What a tragedy for the family. The car can be repaired -- but a precious life has been needlessly lost. What's more distressing than the loss of life is the way it has been lost. If someone had to end his life after an accident like this, one can imagine the extent to which he must have been driven to.

Suicides aren't uncommon. There have been many reports by many organisation telling us how it's on the rise. More than actual suicides are the 'tendency for suicide' and 'contemplations of suicide'. And, these don't get reported unlike actual suicides.

Our society severely lacks support mechanism. Hardships and tensions are part of everyone's everyday life. What we need badly is a system to help people overcome this. And, the rising numbers of suicides is a clear indication of the lack of a support system.

While religious and spiritual teachings of both old-age epic characters and new-age gurus can definitely be made use of, I think, immediate family members are the ones who can best give a person emotional solace. Home, sweet home. Home is where one runs to when in trouble, and when the doors there too are shut where can one run to?

Of course, this is easier said than done. It's often the family that comes under the biggest strain. And, for the same reason, I must say, the responsibility on the family too is that much big.

One argument is that it's very natural for family members to break down, and probably even say something that's very hard to take, like: "you have brought shame to our family", "what is the use of living like this", "it's better to go and hang somewhere than leading a shameful life", etc.

But, today going by the intense stress and strain we all live under, it's the responsibility of each one of us, to make sure that in moments of stress and strain, we don't say or do something that only worsens the situation rather than improve it. Outbursts like the ones I mentioned earlier, may be natural, but are very negative and help no one in any way. If no positive move can be made, it's very important to make sure that at least no negative move is made.

It's words like the one's like I quoted above, that finally lead people to end their lives. They feel that even the last straw they can clutch on to in the world has been lost. They flounder and in an impulsive step go over the edge.

Instead of saying those hurting words, probably one can just be with him or her at those moments. Words of assurance, words that the world is not going to crash, words like: you are not alone, we are with you, don't worry, just be calm, there's nothing that can't be sorted out... etc can work wonders and actually give a new life to someone in distress. It is tough, I agree; but doing that tough act is such a small effort when one realises what has been achieved in the process.

So, next time you see someone close to you driven to a corner, distressed and shattered; please, don't make things worse for him by blaming and heaping abuses. Just lend a helping hand, so he can hold on to your hand. One doesn't know, may be, it's a life that you are saving. Even if not, at least you won't regret not having helped.